Because Fixies Suck

Shouts out to my dude Ninoy Brown over at Fobb Deep for this one.



There are a few things I need to point out in this video:

-The tricycle scraper bike has a basket in the back that says "That Go". Truer words have never been written on a bicycle.

-The last dude who raps is wearing a fitted hat with a composition book print, and even a composition book label on the front. If anyone knows where to get such a brilliant fitted, please let me know in the comments section.

-In true Oakland fashion, these kids really don't pay much attention to surrounding traffic.

-Does anyone have an mp3 of this?

Edit: Someone hooked up a lank! Trunk Boiz "Scraper Bike"

Anyway, I got curious, so I checked Craigslist. Sure enough, there's a scraper bike for sale that sounds suspiciously similar to the first bike featured in the video. Though I didn't notice the "color changing fog lights...that change colors" in the video. Maybe the kids are more concerned about safety that I thought.

At least more concerned than fixie riders. God, fuck these people. Oh wow, really, you don't have brakes? Could you explain just how difficult fixie-riding is to me just one more time? Guess what, blade? My skateboard doesn't have brakes either. Get a bar.

Also, one last anecdote, to explain why people who ride fixies suck. I was at this party, with lots of kids from a certain Bay Area art school (first mistake). I overheard these kids talking about bikes. I heard this one guy say - I swear - "Man, that guy is such a fixie-poser". He may have gone on to explain that "that guy" probably rode a single-speed or some shit. Whatever. I had just about enough Bud Ice in my system to interject and say something like "Yeah, dude, man I totally hate fixie-posers, too. They're totally weak". Perhaps he picked up on the sarcasm in my voice; perhaps he didn't. Either way, everyone fell silent, and he told me to see my way out of the conversation, which I did. Quickly. Because people who ride fixies suck. And perhaps I had made a fool of myself.


The Pack "Ride My Bike"

The Cataracs, The Pack, Young Gaita "Blueberry Afghani (Remix)"

I found out that The Cataracs are white, and might go to SF State. Or something. I found this somehow disappointing. Anyone else? Nice remix here, but because it's slowed down, it just isn't quite as exciting as the original. Which, for the record, was hella exciting.

The Champions "Hyphyville"

Hyphyville - is it a real place, or a state of mind (a la Planet Zero)? It could be, literally, Oakland. Or it could be, you know, wherever the music is, or some shit. Anyway, one of the dudes in this group is named Tre Flip. He skates, too. I'm down. This song is dumb as fuck.

The Federation "College Girl"

It's basically "Freaky Tales", but they throw in some college names. UC Riverside, UC Davis, and UC Berkeley all get name-checked. At first, I was like, "Hey. No UCSD love?" Then, I remembered what UCSD is actually like. Enjoy that fucking Mistah FAB/Andre Nickatina concert, by the way, my Triton dudes. I'm way jealous, but I'm dealing with it by realizing that hella latent-homosexual PIKE dudes are gonna ruin it for everyone. Right?