Micromeme: Adding Messy Marv to Photographs

While I was biding my time online, seeing if there is an official Messy Marv Facebook Page (there is), I stumbled across a fascinating Facebook Group called "Any picture can be improved by adding Messy Marv to it." The creator is a young man named Alex Evans, who attends Bishop of Llandaff High School, which according to my brief research is in Wales, United Kingdom. Perhaps the distance - and general British squareness - leads them to refer to The Boy Boy as a "low-rated rapper". Either way, these Welsh high schoolers seem to think it's hilarious to use MS Paint to insert Messy Marv into various situations, and famous historical scenes. (It seems, this is based on some other (probably 4chan) internet meme called "Any picture can be improved by adding immortal to it" where people add some Black Metal dude into pictures in the same fashion)








Whether witnessing Saddam Hussein's fall, a deadly tsunami, or RFK's death, Messy Marv is made to always seem casually indifferent. Somehow this really makes sense to me, as a Messy Marv fan. Things like this make the internet a worthwhile place. Let's just hope that Alex Evans doesn't get Thug Money on [His] Muh-Futtin Family! To see the rest of the images, check out the Group's page.

The Boy Boy Young Mess "Ask Yourself"

This is off of Prices on My Head, Thug Money on Your Family, Volume 2, which is actually coming out in two weeks. I can't wait.

Attention Music Marketers

Literally every day of my life I receive emails from Music Marketers who try to tell me that I should listen to this artist or that one (Skyzoo? Carlito Rossi? Ashy L Bowz?), or that I should attend a conference on "BRIDGING THE GAP BETWEEN THE STREETS AND THE NEW MUSIC INDUSTRY" (seriously), or that I should really be paying attention to what they're trying to tell me, and that unlike the Mainstream Artists everyone reads about on blogs, these guys are the Real Underground, despite the fact that they have the money to hire people to send out E-blasts. which is, for the record, the proper nomenclature for these emails I receive.

Aside from being obnoxious and poorly targeted marketing, a lot of these dudes have terrible copywriting skills. I mean, if it's your job, how are you gonna end up with stuff like this:

"My name is Damien, President of **** ******, a new record label dedicated to making different, cool again. After reading your blog it is obvious that you have not only an ear, but a voice on the street."

Or subject lines like this:

"Tone Trump - "Wifey" (THIS IS THIS SMASH HIT OF THE SUMMER!)"

Aside from being factually inaccurate, that is some hopelessly careless marketing copy. I mean, the subject line is the hook, and it has that glaring an error in ALL CAPS?

Well, I'm here to present an alternative strategy to music marketers that more accurately reflects the realities of the internets, circa 2009. If you want your song to be featured on a blog, you might consider learning how to type properly, but you'd be better off stroking [||] the blogger's ego, instead of telling them what's hot on the streets. Soulja Boy is hot on the streets. But this is not the streets; this is the internets, and the internets is all about self-promotion. So, you need your artist to get ahead, but you can't forget that Music Bloggers are self-important assholes, too. Self-important assholes who, for the most part, don't do this for a living. So, you really have to work hard to get our attention.

For an example of a surefire way to get your music featured on a music blog, watch this new Slap Factory video. Specifically, the shot at 2:08.



People who diss Byron Crawford get their music featured on his blog. It's a smart move for both, because the artists get their music out there, and Byron is able to convince himself and others that his writing has significance outside of the internet. People who shout out the NoT get featured here for the same reason. Keep that in mind, music marketers!

For the record, though, I, too, would love to feature anyone making a diss record on the NoT. Where's Swag Squad at?

NEW HUSALAH!

Produced by Traxamillion (thankfully, he doesn't rap on it!).

Husalah "Pray For You"

Initially, I thought this had some R & B singer on the hook, but that seems to be Husalah himself, which is interesting. In fact, it sounds like he might have spent more time working on his singing voice than writing new raps while he was locked up.

"I don't even gotta rap, that's how dope I am" he claims on the outgoing adlibs, which start at about three minutes into the six minute track. That's true. I just want to listen to new Husalah, regardless. But I want to actually listen to him rap. At least we know there will be more to come.

As far as the production is concerned, it's good, but I worry that Bay Area production is softening up while it's getting more polished. Check out this new Lil B song produced by Clams Casino.

Lil B "I'm God"

Again, Lil B toes the line between coherence and complete stream of consciousness craziness. But the production, by Clams Casino (for those unaware, this is what Clams Casino look like) is on some Enya shit. It's good, but I fear that there's a trend towards softer production in the Bay Area? Like, can you really say this slaps? Just sayin.

Some Muh-futtin Rap Songs

This man will turn your face into $50,000

The Boy Boy Young Mess "Don't You Think I'm Handsome?"

If you haven't listened to the Bay Area's best-named mixtape this year, Prices on My Head, Thug Money on Ya Family Vol 1 yet, you should reconsider. I always assume Messy is gonna come washed-up, considering all the shit he's put himself through these last few years, but he's always fucking great to listen to. He hasn't changed a goddam thing since Disobayish, and I mean that in a good way. I wonder if he even writes new rhymes anymore.

This one samples Gucci Mane's lyrics from "Freaky Girl" on the hook, and in true Bay Area mixtape hustling fashion, Mess credits Gucci Mane with a feature. Ha! I thought Cellski was the last one to get away with that move. Though, last time I was in SF, at Rasputin's, I think I remember that PoMH,TMoYF was the top seller. It's kinda beautiful that Bay Area rappers can intentionally hustle their listeners and still have a loyal following.

The Boy Boy Young Mess "My Charm, My Chain"

Many rappers have claimed that women only have sex with them for their material wealth, and have even gone as far as to say that women are actually, in a sense, having sex with inanimate objects when they have sex with said rapper (see "Fuck My Car" by Too Short, or "Fuck My Car" by UGK for examples of this phenomenon). Messy goes as far as to say that women actually call his phone asking to speak with his chain on this track. Also, he claims that some women forget to put a condom on his chain when they have sex with it. This is troublesome in a few regards. Is he talking about himself? Is he talking about the chain? Sounds like he's in a messy situation - so to speak! - either way. No matter your interpretation, Messy manages to make it OK to refer to his jewelry as a "charm", which you really have to respect.

New Boyz "Colors"

This song is fun, but at the same time, it says so much about the downfall of hip-hop as an artform (am I getting old?) that it has to kinda make you sad. It's not a cover of Ice-T's "Colors", but they reference it heavily in the hook. However, instead of making a song about the horrors of gang warfare in Los Angeles, the New Boyz rap about how they wear a whole lot of different colors - colors they claim aren't even in the visible spectrum - when they dance in their cul-de-sac. Ice-T's rap career is spinning in its grave, I'm certain.

Philthy Rich "Funk or Die"

This, I assume is the eponymous track off of Philthy's newest album. "Funk or Die", to me, seems a bit confused. Doesn't funk lead to death? Still, Philthy Rich, keeps it really gully here, and his album sounds like it's shaping up to be pretty good.

Roach Gigz "Watch Me Gas (Remastered)"

Roach emailed me a little while back to have me take down the older version of "Watch Me Gas" I had posted. He said it was hella poorly mastered and he had a new version with some new lyrics, and better mixing. He was kind enough to hook it up here.

Mistah FAB "2010 Til Infinity"

Mistah FAB really is better at being a backpack rapper. Why didn't he make this song in 2003 (or wait until 2010?)? Was he too busy trying to bridge the unbridgeable gap between backpack rap and Hyphy? Whoops!